Family · Funniness

What Would You Rather?

So I moved into a camper van about two months ago. It’s a story for another time. During the week I park my van on a friend’s property, but on the weekend I head over to the folk’s place to chill with them.

This evening my nine-year-old brother came tapping on my van door and we shared a packet of Honey Soy Chips while we would-you-rathered each other.

The following questions are insightful and revealing and to really know thyself, I recommend giving them some careful consideration.

  • Would you rather eat 75 pieces of Vegemite toast or jump from a five story building into a giant bowl of corn flakes and milk?

Corn flakes and milk!

I’m 99.99% certain the human stomach couldn’t fit in 75 pieces of Vegemite.

  • Would you rather sky dive without a parachute into a sea of jelly, or jump on and across twenty crocodile heads?

A bit tricky. I’d go with jelly sea, but from a sky diving height, I might not bounce on the jelly waves, I might sink, and swimming my way through jelly….yeah…that’s a personal nightmare of mine.

So.

Crocodile heads!

  • Would you rather lip stick all over your ears or eyeshadow on your teeth?

Matthew said ears. He said it would look like he’d been running. I pointed out he didn’t know what colour lipstick it was.

However, he stuck to his….makeup.

Get it? Get it?

Oo-kay. Moving on.

  • Would you rather get licked by a pig or a rhino?

I said pig because their tongues would be smaller than a rhino’s so less slobber, but Matthew argued the rhino because pigs were gross.

The size of tongue and amount of slobber didn’t sway him.

  • Annnnnnd lastly! Would you rather get a hand full of ear wax out of a cat’s ear or a hand full of ear goop from a dog’s eye?

I originally thought ear wax, but after some consideration, I decided that despite being sometimes gooey  (first hand experience here, folks!), eye goop would be the way to go, because how hard would it be to collect a waxy handful from a cat’s little bity ear drum?

Hard!

Soooooo….doggie eye goop!

And so with that life decision nailed and hammered, I have concluded a very satisfactory evening.

Trouser Girl – over and out!

 

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