I have discovered a few things since adopting a dog.
1. Dog farts are potent.
2. Due to certain new scents, you become more house conscious than you were before.
For example, you discover the invention of pet odorisers in your supermarket, which comes in three different forms; powder, spray, or foam. They’re found in that aisle you once practiced your speed strut on your way to get your eggs and milk. Once you were completely ignorant of the array of odorising fragrances whose sole purpose is to compete with your dog’s dogy musk.
You are ignorant no longer.
3. You find it’s fortunate you don’t have a meat phobia.
Imagine if you did.
You thought you got up early before you adopted a dog, (due to the occupation you chose and the universal, unwritten law that states that tradies can never sleep-in, period), but now you get up even earlier.
Because you are a conscientious dog owner.
And you want your pet to be happy.
And you work during the day, and you feel terrible about it, and when your dogs whines when you leave the house, you can assay a tiny bit of your gut-crushing guilt by telling yourself, for him, you stumbled around your bedroom trying to find your socks.
You also caught a glimpse in the mirror of the mother of all bags under your eyes.
It was scary.
5. Your new status becomes ‘Human Who Speaks Unintelligent Sentences to Canine’.
Need I say more.
6. Because of point 4, you become even more of a granny than you were before and totter off to bed at 8.30.
Your teenage sister, who you have over for weekend sleep-overs, is highly impressed.
This is what happens when you adopt a dog.
xx Trouser Girl