For Christmas Day I had a brain wave.
It was a mega one.
More mega than usual.
I made a water slide and it wasn’t just any sort of water slide.
It was mega.
Everyone said it wouldn’t be good.
It would be too fast.
I told ’em to have a little faith in my mega brain waves.
To make a water slide better than the world has ever seen, you’ll need to find a really terrifically steep hill.
You might need to spend some time on Christmas morning whipper-snipping the grass down.
I recommend you don’t wear your Christmas Day best for this task as you will sweat enough to make a tradie proud.
You’ll have to find heavy things with which to pin your water slide plastic down.
I suggest raiding your father’s shed.
Like me, you may set your cap on a bunch of old car tires.
Like me, after vigorously whipper-snipping, numerous hill climbs and much mega brain thought, you may need to sit down for a fiver.
It helps with all the meganess of your project.
What would we do without men who horde car tires?
You will also need old foam mattresses as crash pads, as your steep water slide is bound to accelerate bodily speed and aerodynamics.
Without old foam mattresses as crash pads you will find trees, spiky scrub and bush will, by default, act as break pads.
I can not be held responsible for any pain you may endure.
Last, but in no way least, you will need water. Preferably, from a hose.
This way you can squirt people in the noggon.
Let the noggon squirting and water sliding BEGIN!
I can’t begin to impart to you how mega this slide was.
If you are afraid of speed, do it.
If you are afraid of too much fun, embrace it.
If crash landings have never really been your thing, stop being an old duck and bungee dive into the pond!
Badger your mother down it.
‘GO THE SCREAMING MAMA BEAR!’
Cheer your younger brother down it.
‘WOOOOOOHOOO! LOOKING GOOD, MUNCHKIN!’
Tell your grandma she’s missing out on mega excitement.
Grin ridiculously when she tells you you’re mad.
As it was, the only brave souls I could recruit for water sliding awesomeness was the youngsters.
Everyone else trembled at the knees.
Or adapted the principle of ‘Once, never again, Hosay!’
But it was worth it..
If only because Mama Bear gained several years of her youth.
Hope you had a good Christmas.
Hope it was filled with mega brain awesomeness.
If it wasn’t.
There’s always next year.
May you always bungee dive into the pond,
xx The Girl in Trousers