I painted a wall recently. I’m a tradie. I paint things fairly regularly.
The way it happens is the Boss points to a brush and a tin of paint, points to a wall and says ‘Jump to it, kido.’ You could say I jump around painting things quite a lot. I’m thinking of buying a poggo stick to help me with the jumping bit.
Ever tried painting a wall on a poggo stick?
Me neither. Could be interesting.
Anyhoo, I thought I’d talk you through the complicated process of painting a wall. It involves complicated steps and a lot of jumping. Here goes!
I like to rub the bristles over my rosy posy cheeks. You can try this too.
It’s important to get properly acquainted with your equipment before you start.
See, pretty silky, huh?
Next, grab a Sidekick.
Sidekicks are very handy to have around. They fetch things for you, massage your back when it’s aching, and remind you of the good old days when you too had paint EVERYWHERE (including up your nostril hairs).
So get yourself a Sidekick, but just so you know, you can’t have this one.
Tweedy Bird is mine.
Send your Sidekick up the ladder to get the planks all ready.
While you organise equipment:
two pots of paint
two silky new paint brushes (recently brushed over rosy posy cheeks)
Check, check, check, check.
By the way.
I hope you’re okay with heights. Painting a wall isn’t for the leg jiggler.
Cut in all windows, drain pipes and tricky places a roller can’t go.
Here, Tweedy Bird helpfully demonstrates this.
Sometimes you’ll run out of plank or something will be just out of reach, so it’s time to get creative.
On a side note, if that office job of yours is boring your brain cells silly, I would highly recommend a trade.
You’ll face new and interesting challenges every day.
Like how to steal the Boss’ Scotch Finger biscuits without him suspecting A THING.
Once you’ve finished the cutting in, it’s time to roooooooooolll!
At this point, your Sidekick may take a short nap.
Sidekicks get pooped pretty quick.
Don’t be too hard on them.
After all, that was you once.
Roll until you’ve covered the whole wall with fresh paint and your arms are threatening to go on strike and find someone else’s body to inhabit. Just tell them to man up, quit being babies and keep rolling.
And that’s it.
You’ve aced it.
Way to go.
Stand back and admire you work, fellow wall painter.
Check out this here wall I just painted. Cool, or what?
May you figure out how to steal the Boss’ favourite cookies during morning tea break,
xx The Girl in Trousers