I have a list for you. Because lists are fun. Because lists are tidy. And because I think lists make me look smart and intelligent.
Don’t answer that.
1. Today is a lazy Saturday morning.
This means I woke up at six a.m. with my eyeballs wide-eyed and so not bushy and shouted, ‘Five more minutes, Mum!’.
Then I remembered I don’t live in the same house as my mum.
Then I laid in bed and calculated the eighty things I have to do today.
My body doesn’t acknowledge weekend sleep-ins.
Darn, stupid body.
2. New chapters of my stories are coming soon. Pink swear.
It’s on my Saturday morning list. Along with doing the washing, buying new light bulbs, and sending myself into a state of hypnosos and drawling in an American accent,
‘You will sleep-in on Saturdays. You will sleep-in on Saturdays. You will sleep-in on Saturdays.’
I’m expecting excellent results.
3. My stories have not gone AWOL.
Well, maybe just a tiny bitty insy bit.
But there is a very good reason for this which I will now explain to you.
I’ve been gang planked. Swamped. Water logged. Abducted by aliens who are trying to reproduce human toes so they can add them to their daily diet of Finger-Toe Soup, thus saving the human population from toe extinction.
They’re a very considerate bunch of aliens.
My point is, during the last four weeks, getting home from work constitutes, in a nutshell, me falling face first onto my bed and mumbling incoherent things about making peanut butter toast for dinner.
I know, I know. I should be muttering incoherent things about what will happen next to Ruthanna and her mother-in-law, and how will Thomas Fitzpatrick go about finding a wife.
I confess these two thoughts have escaped me. As punishment, I will now go cut off my little toe for alien experiementation.
4. I’m still being stalked by ants.
I kid you not, they now live in my iPhone. Three times I’ve been holding it to find an ant crawling over my hand like I’m this week’s scheduled lasagna.
I’m thinking of calling 000.
Maybe hiring a bodyguard.
The Boss says I’m just paranoid, but I am not imagining this.
Ants are trying to take over the world.
They want world domination!
They want to make you this week’s scheduled lasagna!!!!!
5. By the way…
This is my sister a few years ago.
She isn’t stalked by ants.
Darn all lucky sisters.
That’s not to say she hasn’t had her moments of…unusual behavioural patterns.
Maybe it’s genetic.
Maybe I should see a doctor.
6. This week’s theme has been Memory Lane.
So I thought I’d indulge my love of old photos and share them with y’all.
This is Mr Grumpy Tradie. He was having a bad hammer day.
And this one proves what I’ve been saying all along.
The kid’s a techno quiz bang.
This is my cheeky second oldest brother.
Oh, and a python who did not wished to be named.
Snakes are a shy private lot.
When I look back over old photos of my folks, a few things stand out to me.
Competitiveness runs in the blood.
Craziness is an every day accurance.
And grow up….
Has never been on the menu.
May you always stay young and never be this week’s ant lasagna.
xx The Girl in Trousers.
Note: No python was hurt in the creation of this post. All reptiles were handled with dignity and released into the wild where they belong. Thank you.