The Girl in Trousers

A Christmas Eve List


For some weird reason, it doesn’t feel like Christmast Eve to me. Seriously? The end of the year? Nahhhh…. I think someone’s having us on. But if I’m getting presents, well I can handle being duped for a day or so.

And to get into the spirit of things, I have a Christmas Eve list.

1. Firstly, I worked on Christmas Eve.

And I swear the sun knew I was working on Christmas Eve and belted gamma rays directly at me.

I need no shower, people. My sweat has done the job just fine.

2. The Troop is together again.

20121128-194227.jpgMeaning my two prodigal brothers from four hours away arrived at lunch time. It’s so refreshing to find that nothing’s changed. Five minutes of the six of us together again and we’re squabbling, wrestling and punching each other.

All in the name of sibling love, of course.

3. The Cicada bugs are out in full Christmas volume.


The bush is alive with their racket. And since its creating a permenant ringing in my ears, I dug up some facts I bet you didn’t know about these ear spitting bugs.

A) That noise they’re making is their version of a love song.



B) Some species register over 100 decibels when singing.

Hence why we must all now walk around wearing industrial standard ear muffs. Please call this number to purchase your set of ear muffs – 1800 465 387

C) Only the males sing.

All I can say to that is,


4. I’m being haunted by a nest of ants.

Who live in my car. Somewhere. I don’t know where. All I know is I can’t leave anything in my car without Ant Invasion becoming operational. For example, today I retrieved my laptop from my car and found it crawling with ants. As I write this I am squishing ants that are crawling out from under my J, D and A keys.

I will now pen a belated letter to Santa to request an ant liquidizing gun.

Let the ant war begin!

5. The Family Production goes on!

And like every year, whether it was the Christmas newsletters I use to write or the plays, raps songs or circus performaces my siblings and I did, we have upheld the tradition of leaving it right to the last possible minute.

This year has seen our first rehersal of our accapella song rehersed on this very day. This very day being Christmas Eve! It was again refreshing to realise nothing has changed.

Once they got into it, all the family inherited goofiness came out, and I had to do a lot of shouting to herd them into line.

6. I have no voice left.

Due to the shouting I’ve done herding my siblings into line. I am now using sign lanuage to communicate with the general population, and I’m penning a second belated letter to Santa to ask for my voice back.

7. Merry Christmas!

merry_christmas_11_1200Just in case I don’t have time to wish you it tomorrow, what with my stressful job as accapella co-ordinator and all the ant warfare I’ll be doing with my ant liquidizing gun, I shall do so now.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

May you never be haunted by ants, lose your voice and have to work on Christmas Eve with a heap of gamma rays.

xx The Girl in Trousers

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