I’ve been studying the cow recently. Or more specificly the tail of the cow. Mainly, because I think it’s the most ingenious thing ever invented. And mainly, because I want one.
‘Well, yes, I do,’ say I. ‘But there’s just one little problem.’
In the last two days I’ve been mobbed, attacked, crawled on, and bombed by flies. They’ve been in my ears, hitched rides on my body, flown into my eyeballs, and tried to tunnel up my nostrils.
I’ve discovered flies have an obsession with nostrils.
Which is just about the grossest thing ever.
Why, oh why, wasn’t I born with one??
Maybe you’re thinking, ‘Roof surfing? Cool!’
It would be cool if not for a thousand or so roof screws waiting to scar your behind as you slip down. And you will slip. Add water to any dirty angular surface and you’ll disappearing off it in five seconds flat.
Ridge caps are major butt flattening material. After a few hours of hosing hold duty, you’ll be vibrating uncontrollably and you’ll have no butt left.
It’s a good thing the Boss pays me. I’m gonna need the money for a butt replacing operation.
Wondering if it’s all worth it, until I happen to look up from pressure washing duty and see this.
May you never meet nostril obsessed flies,
xx The Girl In Trousers