The Girl in Trousers · Yes Boss

Cow Tails and Roof Surfing

I’ve been studying the cow recently. Or more specificly the tail of the cow. Mainly, because I think it’s the most ingenious thing ever invented. And mainly, because I want one.

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The call of the tradie has taken us out cow country. Big blue sky, green fields, sun shining. I should be in heaven.

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‘Why aren’t you in heaven, Kate?’, you ask. ‘Don’t you love the country?’

‘Well, yes, I do,’ say I. ‘But there’s just one little problem.’

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That one little problem has a name. Flies.

In the last two days I’ve been mobbed, attacked, crawled on, and bombed by flies. They’ve been in my ears, hitched rides on my body, flown into my eyeballs, and tried to tunnel up my nostrils.

I’ve discovered flies have an obsession with nostrils.

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I confess that I’ve nearly inhaled a colony of flies in the last two days. What’s more, I’ve kissed several million of them.

Which is just about the grossest thing ever.

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Which brings me back to the cow tail.

Why, oh why, wasn’t I born with one??

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I’ve also had other things on my mind besides the flies. Stuff like the dangers of roof surfing.

Maybe you’re thinking, ‘Roof surfing? Cool!’

It would be cool if not for a thousand or so roof screws waiting to scar your behind as you slip down. And you will slip. Add water to any dirty angular surface and you’ll disappearing off it in five seconds flat.

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Hmm. Yup. There goes another one.

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I’ve been on hose holding duty which in it’s entirety involves holding a vibrating, heavy-as-an-elephant hose and sitting on a ridge cap.

Ridge caps are major butt flattening material. After a few hours of hosing hold duty, you’ll be vibrating uncontrollably and you’ll have no butt left.

It’s a good thing the Boss pays me. I’m gonna need the money for a butt replacing operation.

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So if you were wondering what I’ve been up to recently it’s this; wrestling an eighty kilo hose monster and doing battle with nostril obsessed flies.

Wondering if it’s all worth it, until I happen to look up from pressure washing duty and see this.

Clouds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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And then I know it is.

May you never meet nostril obsessed flies,
xx The Girl In Trousers

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