Country Life · The Girl in Trousers

Eight Things You Should Know

I have a vital list of things you should know and I didn’t want you to go another minute without knowing them. So here they are.

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1. Everyone knows dandelions are smelly, but they’re also pretty.

It’s all because they breed like turkeys that no one thinks much of them. But if you hold a dandelion at a respectful distance from your honker and forget that they breed like turkeys, you’ll see a very pretty little flower.

I’m just saying.

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2. I made Melting Moments on the weekend.

And I ate them all. I know, I know. A complete guts, right? I should be rolling around on the floor sobbing for forgiveness. The only reason I’m not rolling around on the floor sobbing for forgiveness is I work for Boss.

Boss is a bean pole. You should see the amount Boss eats. So while I had a brief twinge of guilt for eating so many Melting Moments, I just thanked my lucky stars that I’m a tradie and the guilt PUFFED! away.

Trade’s never get fat.

I’m just saying.

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3. I love clouds.

Hehe. You knew that.

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4. I love trees too.

Trees are my friends. You didn’t know that.

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5. Pegs are a total stroke of ingenious.

I fully admire the brilliant invention of the peg. Without the peg, one can only ask the humbling question, ‘How will I hang my washing?’

So admire your peg. Thank your peg. If you feel overwhelmed with undeniable gratitude, kiss your peg. It’s perfectly acceptable.

Pegs like to feel the love.

6. I’ve had four hours sleep in the last twenty-four hours, but Christmas is gonna be awesome!

On Christmas Day, it’s family tradition for talent to come out of the woodwork. My siblings and I have done many a Christmas act. Magic shows, rap songs, hilarious mimes, plays, recitals of my rib splitting poems. We once marched down the drive in a cardboard sleigh. I was Rudolph.

I had a red nose.

My five adorable siblings are getting all mature on me these days. I can’t pull off Rudolph and Santa’s sleigh. They’d just give me the Look. But on Sunday, I was struck by lightning and had the most awesome, mind numbingly brilliant idea for this year’s Christmas act.

It’s top secret. But it involves singing…Cough-aca-Cough!-pella-Cough!

I text my two away-from-home-living brothers and they’ve agreed to be apart of my brilliant plan as have the ones still at home. They couldn’t say no. I can be very convincing. I was so excited that I burnt the candle a tad late last night working out singing parts.

Officially, I no longer have a voice.

But my Christmas act is going to be awesome.

I’m just saying.

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7. This is the dreaded Jumping Ant.

These guys should be on your Most Dreaded Critters I Wish To Meet list. They bite like no one’s business. And they jump. Towards you. So they can bite you like no body’s business.

After I snapped the mug shot of this jumping ant, it jumped from it’s perch on the banana tree to the ground. A whole five feet below it.

Fearless and dangerous. Avoid at all humanly possible cost.

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8. This is my nemesis.

Don’t be fooled by his cuteness. It’s his con act. He’s possessed by every birdy terror to ever drive you to the land of Birdy Insanity.

Don’t look him directly in the eye.

It’ll be the end of you.

xx The Girl in Trousers

2 thoughts on “Eight Things You Should Know

  1. Hey…what happened to MY melting moment…oh well. I’m on a health fad diet at the moment. I’d have probably been rolling around on the floor with guilt if I’d had one. Still…grumble grumble…lucky you!!!

    And did Matthew tell you that he had close encounters of the screaming…get it off me…kind with the dreaded critter you mug shot just last week?? We used not less then 5 or 6 pieces of ice one after the other to try and calm the pain down on the bottom of his foot. Things you should know Number 9… Don’t walk in our front yard without shoes on.

  2. I’m going to make more melting moments and this time I’m giving them all to you! No, he didn’t, but now everyone knows. STAY AWAY FROM THE ANT!!!

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